I want to start by apologizing – for neglecting you, for thinking about leaving you, and for ignoring your cries of longing in the middle of the night. I have always been aware that you were here – I swear – but I didn’t really know what to say to you. Life’s been pretty chill lately, and I must confess that in the past, I used you as a bit of a crutch. I spilled my guts out onto your cyberpages and came to to new realizations this way. For that, I will always be grateful.
But somewhere along the lines, I’ve learned how to process my thoughts and feelings without you. Typing that right now, I’m not sure if I’m being naïve or if I really truly have figured it all out – it’s hard for me to tell. Trust me – I remember that only a few short months ago, I felt that I needed you so much that I promised myself (and you) that I would write every day. That was short lived, wasn’t it?
Maybe I feel like my life isn’t exciting enough to write about these days. Maybe I feel like I’m constantly writing (complaining) about the same things all the time. Maybe I don’t really want to parade my insecurities and inner-most thoughts in front of the whole world anymore. Maybe I’m just trying really hard to accept where I am in my life, and writing to you constantly reminds me of my weaknesses. Maybe I just don’t need all of that right now.
So maybe it’s time to turn a new page, dear blog. Don’t panic! I don’t want to leave you completely. But it’s crossed my mind that perhaps your purpose is no longer to be a sounding board for all my problems and insecurities, but more as rather a journal of the quirks of my daily life. Of course, then I think to myself that perhaps the people of the world don’t really give a shit about my daily life. But the question arises, who am I really writing for in the first place?
I write for me. It’s selfish, I know. I am very much aware of that fact. But I’m kind of “over” all the intense self-examination stuff right now. I feel like my brain and my emotions might be a little “over-examined” these days. Sorry blog.
So, whaddaya say? Should we start over? How ’bout we start with this:
On Monday, I baked my very first raspberry pie, using fresh raspberries from my garden. This is my life these days. Fresh raspberry pie, homemade lasagna and long mornings spent in Starbucks, nursing a chai latte and apologizing to my blog.
No guilt. (or working on it, anyways)