I realized something today. I’m becoming a chicken shit. And sometimes I can talk a great talk, but I don’t walk the walk. Okay, maybe that’s two things. Let me explain.
All through my life, things have come easy for me. I was always the smartest kid in my class. The teachers liked me. I got all A’s. I was top academic student at my school something like 5 years in a row. I won awards.
I played piano. I got excellent results in my Royal Conservatory exams. I played the flute. I traveled to Europe with an honour band. I won some more awards.
I went to university. My grades took a dive but I didn’t care. I took classes that I loved but that required me to think. I was tired of always knowing the answer.
I made friends, lots of friends. I felt popular for the first time in my life.
And I met boys – oh lordy, did I meet boys! I fell in and out of love all the time. I joined clubs. I starred in plays. I sang my heart out. I danced my ass off. I was having the time of my life.
I graduated. I got a job. Right away. And when I got tired of that job, I got another job. Right away. I wrote a cover letter, I applied, I interviewed, I got the job. I got bored. I wrote another cover letter, I applied, I interviewed, I got the job.
I got bored. I got unhappy. I quit.
My story comes to a grinding, screeching halt here. And here is where you find me now, preaching my little “go out, be happy, find your passion” sermon. Preaching it, but only half-living it. In my weekend wisdom post this Sunday, I encouraged people to stop “half-singing”; to get out there and be rockstars. But I realized today, that lately, I’ve been half-singing myself.
Sure there are lots of things in my life that make me happy right now. I’m doing things I love. I smile more than I frown. I laugh more than I cry (ok, I cry a LOT, but more often than not, it’s happy crying. No seriously – it’s happy crying!).
But when it comes to going out there, staring life in the eye, and taking it on headfirst, I’m a bit of a chicken shit.
I hate doing things I’m not good at. I never played sports ‘cause I knew I was terrible. I dropped Calculus ‘cause it made my head hurt. I stopped taking dance and yoga classes ‘cause I’m not flexible. I don’t take photos ‘cause I’m never happy with they way they turn out. I avoid watching DVD’s because I can’t figure out our freakin’ DVD player. If it doesn’t come easy, it doesn’t interest me.
This morning, I said to Mr Ambitious, “maybe I should just get a job in a bank; at least then, I’d have something to do every day that was making us money. At least then, I’d be out of the house, meeting people and being somewhat useful.”
Did it suddenly get really quiet in here?
There’s me again, wanting to take the easy way out. After all that I’ve been through and everything that I’ve done to get here.
So, here it is people – I need your help. I had a secret little plan when I started this blog (didn’t I just say I still had a few secrets? Time to air another one!) Here it is: in September, I want to start taking a life coaching program.
And you, dear readers, are gonna hold me to it. Don’t let me start singing the same old half-assed songs. I know it’s gonna be hard – not just the schooling (I’ll probably love that), but creating a business, getting clients, and not sucking at it – that’s what petrifies me. It might not come easy and I might want to give up. So, I’m putting it out there to you, so you can help me….just as soon as I click “Publish”.
Oh dear God….this is me, clicking “Publish”