So, I’ve been back in Vancouver for about 10 days now. I was freakishly determined to come home and maintain the state of mind that I had rediscovered while away in Europe. My relationship was feeling refreshed, my creativity was feeling juicy, my nerves were calm; but there was also a teeny part of me that was overwhelmingly paranoid that I would not be able to hold onto all of it.
The scary thing is (as I mentioned in my last post) that I don’t realize how swept up in the unimportant I get. But without even realizing it, I start to feel agitated, obligated, pressured – by all number of things. From laundry to yoga to dirty dishes to rehearsals to those tv shows I PVR’ed – everything gradually becomes a huge burden and before you know it, I’ve transplanted myself back into the same rat race mentality that made me nuts to begin with.
And my life is NOT bad. In fact, my life is pretty fuckin’ great. I don’t have much to complain about.
But my problem is, I have a shit-ass relationship with Time. It’s like my hidden nemesis. I’m constantly worried about having too much time, or not enough time. I’m never satisfied. And I procrastinate by wasting my precious Time on useless crap like reruns of CSI or Friends or surfing Youtube for the latest video trends. And I get irritated. And agitated. And I become obsessively protective over my “personal Time” which is a joke and a half because more often than not, my “personal Time” consists of plunking myself down in front of the tv or computer and numbing my brain. And my life somehow starts to be ruled by technology. And I hate it.
I hate it.
When we were in Europe, we never turned on a tv. All of our hotel rooms had one, but we never touched the remotes. We came home and Charlie Sheen had gone nuts and we had no idea.
When we were in Europe, we didn’t use our iPhones. No obsessive email-checking every half an hour. No Facebook streaming when we got bored. No tweeting about our every experience.
When we were in Europe, we used our laptops for 1-2 hours a day, at the most (we were both still “working” while on vacation, so this was somewhat necessary). But we didn’t obsess about replying to emails right away. We let the day go by and just enjoyed each city we were in and the company of eachother.
We were out there living our lives instead of living them virtually, or vicariously.
Moral of the story? Last night I baked cookies and explored new tunes for my iPod. I fed my soul with sugar and music instead of mind-numbing re-runs and gossip. This new habit might make me a bit fatter, but I’m willing to take that risk in exchange for peace of mind.