The other day I had an epiphany.
It suddenly struck me that there is one thing in my life that stresses me out more than anything else. One thought that I constantly stifle. One issue that inevitably causes my blood pressure to rise and my palms to sweat. It may actually be the sole reason why I’ve had such a bitch of a time figuring myself out.
You might suspect that I’m about to deliver the punchline here but I’m not. I’m actually being serious. Here it is:
I want too much.
I’m not talking about physical “things” (although sometimes that’s part of it); I’m mainly talking about an overwhelming, can’t-get-enough, must-make-time-to-do-everything desire for LIFE.
This realization actually shocked me. I was driving at the time, having my daily “think” and mentally making plans for the rest of the summer. My (hopefully) last event contract is this Thursday (Happy Canada Day to all you Canadians!) and I think you could actually say that I’m giddy with excitement over the fact that it will all be over soon. Because that means I get my life back.
But as I’m driving, I’m making a mental list of all the things I want to do this summer and I find myself hyperventilating just a lil’ bit because “How on earth will I ever fit in everything?!?!” I want to go kayaking; I want to do the Grouse Grind; I want to go to the Okanagan and stop at every winery on the way there; I want to buy Apple Pear wine from The Fort Winery; I want to sit on my patio and drink sangria; I want to learn how to make sangria; I want to have people over, all the time; I want to BBQ; I want to eat veggies from my garden; I want to buy more plants; I want to read a ton of good books; I want to sit on the beach; I want to bike around Stanley Park; I want to look into a life coaching program; I want to see friends; I want to sing; I want to sit on a patio drinking beer all afternoon and not have a care in the world; I want to take lots of photos; I want to go to New York; I want to visit my family; I want to pick fresh flowers for my house every few days; I want to learn how to make a new recipe once a week; I want to clean out my closet; I want to clean out my spare bedroom; I want to go on a picnic; I want to watch the sunset; I want to rent a boat; I want to see live theatre; I want, I want, I want.
I could go on. And on and on and on. Every single one of these things is something I really want to do. They are not things I feel that I should do, or things that I need to do. I genuinely am excited about the prospect of doing all of it.
And it’s stressing me out. I have no idea how I’m going to do everything.
In the past, I would have pushed all of these wants to the back of my mind and proceeded to try and ignore them, simply because the thought of trying to accomplish all of it would stress me out. And where’s the fun in wanting to do something if it’s just going to make me hyperventilate??
So, here’s my plan. I’m telling my stressed-out worried little mind to “Shut the fuck up” (pardon my French). I’m making a list and I’m going to have the time of my life crossing off as many of these things as possible this summer, and I’m not going to care if I don’t do all of them. I’m going to enjoy them and drink it all in and let life fill me up.
If you want, you can follow my Summer Essentials List here – and if there’s anything you’d like to do with me, let me know! Also, stay tuned for Thursday’s post when I introduce you to July’s Quarterlife Quester who’s got her own unique “to-do” list