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Apartments, Packing and Books – Oh My!

  • Posted on August 10, 2011 at 3:39 pm

I am counting down the days until I leave for my big trip by using an insane-o “To-Do” list, kept at a handy distance on my iPhone.  I knew when I made this decision, that I would only have a mere 3 weeks to get everything lined up.  That alone, was probably the most stressful part of my decision-making process.  I like things to be well-thought out and well-planned.

Not to mention the fact that I’m a bit of a control freak, which somehow translates into an illogical belief that my husband can’t handle simple tasks like buying cat foot while I’m away.

So, although my massive list of things to do includes obvious things like “look into car rental insurance,” “get a haircut,” “find an apartment” (I leave in 10 days and I still don’t have an apartment!!!!), it also includes ridiculous things like “make sure there’s enough cat food,” “get the car washed,” “deposit business cheques” like it’s the end of the world and hubby won’t be able to function without me (sorry hun, it’s not you – it’s me).

Anyways, in all seriousness, can we get back to this “lack of apartment” stresser? I had a wonderfully lovely little French apartment lined up – y’know, the kind you imagine people to live in in quaint French towns in an old stone building (but nicely renovated) with a little balcony that has wrought-iron fencing and pots of flowers, and it doesn’t cost an arm and a leg? Well, for some reason my contact is not getting back to me, even though we had agreed on the availability and rent.  Which has left me scouring other rental websites, and being sorely disappointed with the remaining options (sparse “student” housing is not my idea of the perfect French apartment).

And let’s not forget my packing dilemma.  Originally, my trip was 8 days long in Ireland.  Now it is 36 days long, in both rainy Ireland and sunny southern France, straddling the two seasons of summer and early fall.  I am constantly re-evaluating what shoes to bring, what jacket will best suit me, how many pairs of underwear I need (which ties in to the apartment, because it may or may not have laundry facilities), which books to bring with me etc. etc. etc.

Which brings me to yet another dilemma – I’m gone for 36 days, and I’ve got a clean slate for most of them.  Which will allow me for LOADS of reading time.  But books are heavy.  So, how many books do a bring?  Or do I get an e-reader?  And if I get an e-reader, do I still bring the books I already have, or buy new ones???

If I didn’t spend so much time worrying about apartments, and packing, and books, I think I might actually be pretty excited about this trip. Aside from the fact that it’s now starting to set in how much I’ll miss my not-so-incompetent hubby and my ridiculously needy kitties.  But that’s another post altogether.

(on a side note – does anyone have any recommendations for good “soul searching” (yes, cheesy) books I should add to my reading list?  or just some good trash reads?)

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Some Big French News

  • Posted on August 2, 2011 at 1:29 pm

I’ve been keeping a big secret…..

I have big news…..

 

I am going to France.

To live.

For a month.

Soon.

More to come….

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Shameless Self-Promotion!

  • Posted on June 12, 2011 at 9:44 am

I’ve been a bit busy lately and so haven’t been posting as regularly as I thought I would.  Instead, I’ve been dedicating a good chunk of my time to getting ready for the upcoming concert with my singing group, Aliqua and making a series of videos to help promote the show.  Gotta say – I love iMovie! So, here’s a little shameless self-promotion!  (If you’re in the Vancouver area, please consider coming to our show!)

AND:

 

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Nike Words of Wisdom

  • Posted on May 19, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Lately whenever I sit down to write for this blog, I don’t have any pre-conceived ideas about what I’m going to write about.  I just sit and let whatever’s there get written.  That’s drastically different from my prior blog. The Quarterlife Quest, where I would spend a few days rolling topics around in my brain, letting them percolate, and stringing beautiful sentences together in my mind (sentences that were often forgotten once I actually sat down to write them!).

These days, I’m just writing.  I’m just doing it. And it turns out that my writing is almost as good (if not better) than it was when I agonized over every phrase.

I’m trying to adopt this attitude of “just do it” (thank you, Nike) in the rest of my life too.  I used to have a huge problem with procrastinating.  It wasn’t because I didn’t want to do things.  It was because I didn’t want to run out of things to do.  So, I stock-piled things, saved them up to do tomorrow, so that I wouldn’t be bored tomorrow.  But when it came to today, I filled my time with useless time-wasting crap, like watching tv or surfing the web or…..nope, mostly watching tv or surfing the web.  I allowed my paranoia of being bored to take over my life and I ended up living in a pattern of having crazy-packed must-get-everything-done days, interspersed between lazy do-fuck-all days.  I do not function well that way.

Even my hobbies and activities that I really enjoyed were put off for the sake of having something to do tomorrow. A part of me kept telling myself that it was self-indulgent to spend an hour reading a book, or doing some gardening, or hauling out my craft supplies, or shopping for new shoes.  So, I’d put it off and schedule myself a “fun day,” which was not necessarily a bad thing.  But I’ve realized that I like having a little bit of fun in each and every day.

So, I’m living by the rule of “just do it, you’ll feel better.” If the sunshine is calling me outside to sit and read my book, just do it. If the clean dishes in the dishwasher are calling out to me to be put away, just do it. If the mood suddenly hits me to write, just do it. If I spontaneously get the urge to clean the bathtub, just do it.

And so far, I have yet to run out of things to do. And I definitely feel better.

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Don’t Cry Mom

  • Posted on May 18, 2011 at 1:43 pm

So, how am I doing at this new posting every day thing?  I think I lasted about 4 days.  But then my mom came to visit and honestly, that was just as good for my soul as writing.

I just recently celebrated a birthday, and my mom came for a few days to help me plant my garden and some of my outdoor pots as a birthday gift.  I never imagined that I’d be quite the little gardener that I am.  But I guess when I think back on my early childhood, a lot of those days were spent in the back yard.  My dad had a vegetable garden and I remember picking fresh peas and shucking corn.  And I remember planting little seeds and other annuals next to the red currant bushes beside our back patio with my mom.

I spent a lot of my childhood outside.  In the summer months, my mom would send us outside and we’d happily imagine away the day with the other neighborhood kids, only running back inside when we heard mom call us in for lunch or dinner.  We’d make up plays, or climb trees, or build forts, or scoop algae out of the ditch with long sticks. Or we’d spend afternoons at the beach, collecting little crabs and seashells, or trying to see how long we could hold a handstand underwater, with the waves crashing against us.  We’d stop to have a picnic on our old plaid, scratchy wool picnic blanket – cucumber and bologna sandwiches were my personal fave.

As I sit here outside on my patio, typing feverishly away on my laptop, I guess it’s not so surprising after all. When the sun comes out and I can spend a day digging in the dirt, or potting a determined little petunia, it feels like those childhood summers.  It feels like home.

Love you mom.  Thanks for giving me this gift :)

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Run 3, Walk 2

  • Posted on May 13, 2011 at 10:53 am

First, I must say, that you (my readers) are totally awesome. I exposed my neuroses to y’all yesterday and you responded with love. I look forward to transcribing more of my nutty inner dialogue for you awesome people in the future.

But now, let’s talk about why I’m awesome.

Just over a month ago, I made a choice.  Throughout the winter, I had battled sickness after sickness, from the common cold to the down-and-out, dirty-ass, disgusting flu bug.  After my last bout of grossness, I decided my immune system needed a severe ass-kicking.  So, I did the unthinkable.

I started running.

Now, when I say running, I mean more like jogging while frantically gasping for breath for 30 seconds, and then walking for 4 and a half minutes, repeated in the span of half an hour.  Y’see, I am NOT a runner.  I tried the Vancouver Sun Run training once many moon ago, but was advised to stop by my doctor due to “water on the hip”.  I had no idea what that meant, but I was more than happy for the excuse. And I’ve used that excuse for the last 7 or 8 years.  Turns out, water on the hip is not a permanent condition (I still have no idea what it is, but apparently it goes away).

Aaaaaanyways, after three half-hour rounds of running for 30 seconds and walking for 4.5 minutes, I bumped my running time up by 30 seconds, and cut my walking time by half a minute. As the weeks went by I kept bumping up my running time after I completed three rounds of the current timing and….

Today I hit a milestone.  I finally ran for more time than I walked.  I ran for 3 minutes and walked for 2.

I almost died. In fact, I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that I actually cried when it was over.

But I did it. Because I’m awesome.

Commencing mass amounts of praise – and…… go.

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Gross Voices Vs. Cool Super-Awesome Voices

  • Posted on May 12, 2011 at 10:52 am

So, yesterday I was feel a bit “funk-y.” The weather was gross; I was frustrated with my lack of things to do; I let myself get all whiny; and then I wrote about it. But after I wrote, I started to feel a bit better. And I scrolled back through some of my other recent blog posts, and realized, I’ve been in a funk for awhile.  Maybe not every day, repeatedly, but certainly often when I’m writing to you fine folks.

But I do notice that the weight lifts a bit when I write.

And I thought to myself, “Hey….maybe you need to be doing this more frequently? like, maybe every day?”

But then the gross voices in my head said, “Blech! who in their right mind would want to hear what you have to say every day? Yuck! You’ll lose readers, hon.  It won’t be pretty.”

And then something surprising happened.  The cool, super-awesome voices, answered back, “Who the fuck cares?  They’re big kids.  They can decide whether or not they want to read what you have to say every day.  And if they don’t want to hear it, well – tough shit. They don’t have to read it! You write for yourself so stop worrying about what others think.”

Well, that kinda pissed off the gross voices, ’cause they hate to be argued with.  And so they retorted, “Sweetheart, you won’t be able to come up with something to write every day.  You’re boring.  Your life is boring. You can barely come up with something to write once a week, and you’re thinking of doing this every day? Gimme a break.”

Right.  Well, you can imagine what this did to the cool, super-awesome voices.  They came up with this rad response: “Seriously?!? Seriously?!? Did you just say that?? You have tons of stuff to say! And it doesn’t always have to be stuff like, ‘oh wow, look at me living my life! Pay attention to me and all the mega-important things I have to say!’ In fact, you can write about absolutely nothing if you choose to!  You could write about your favourite cheese (Boursin, by the way)! You could write about the insano-flushing toilets in Starbucks! You could write about that wiggity-wack dream you had last night!  You could write about the imaginary conversations that you have with those voices in your head!”

Which brings us to this post. See you tomorrow.

 

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Spring has Sprung

  • Posted on April 13, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Ahhhhh, Spring!  I’ve recently realized that my good spirits basically go into hibernation until the first Spring tulips start blooming.  I’m not sure what it is about winter, or more specifically, winter in Vancouver.  It might be the buckets and buckets of rain we get, the non-stop gray & cloudy days, the wet chilly wind – basically the overall grossness of a coastal BC winter. Ok, so I totally know what it is about winter after all.

I’m just not a winter person.  I’m not one for winter sports – I have zero sense of balance so it’s downright dangerous for me to strap on a pair of skis or (heaven forbid!) a snowboard. Even ice skates – I generally spend the majority of my time frantically gripping the boards at the ice rink, cursing my weak ankles.

And moreover, I really can’t stand waking up while it’s still dark outside, and even worse, I really hate driving home at 5pm after the sun has set.

And while I like snow, I only really enjoy it from the comfort of my cozy living room, before it gets ruined by snow plows and dog pee.  Unfortunately, snow is somewhat of a rarity in Vancouver – we mostly get rain. And more rain.  And then, when you think it’s finally over, we get more rain. I don’t have too many positive things to say about the wintery Vancouver rain.

But Spring! Spring I can get on board with. Suddenly, the world just seems like a brighter, happier place. I wake up and I’m excited to get started on my day.  There are actually birds singing outside my window in the morning.  Birds! Do you know what that does to a person?  The first time that happened this spring was just a few days ago, and it was like shock therapy.  All of a sudden my psyche was like, “Whoa! what the heck is that?!?  That….that sounds like……birds!! Holy Schnikey’s!  You’d better get yer butt outta bed, missy! You don’t wanna miss out on this glorious day! Yahoo!!!!”

Long story short, the winter was tough for me.  It’s always tough, but this one was especially so.  I got myself into a rainy, gloomy, feel-sorry-for-myself funk. But Spring is blooming, and so am I (yes, that was cheesy, but I’m on a spring-induced high – forgive me).

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Optimists, Assholes and Genetics

  • Posted on March 23, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Lately, it’s been mentioned to me quite a few times that I am a really, really positive person.  It never really crossed my mind, but I suppose that’s true.  I do tend to always look on the bright side of things. And I tend to believe the best about people, rather than projecting the worst on them.

For example, that rude guy in line at Starbucks might have been rear-ended on his way to work and was then late for a meeting and reemed out by his boss. He’s probably a really nice person – he’s just had a bad day. (his boss probably had a bad day too)

Or that woman yelling at her kid in the park – maybe she’s a single mom who doesn’t get any sleep because she can’t find a job that pays her enough to keep up with the bills and her ex won’t give her the time of day to help her. (her ex probably has issues of his own as well).

I know – I’m an eternal optimist glass-half-full thinker. I’m not sure where this optimism comes from. But I genuinely believe that although we, as humans, come from such expansive and varied backgrounds, we all really do want the best for eachother and for ourselves.  And if that’s tinged with selfishness or rudeness or anger or indifference, it probably has something to do with what has happened previously in our day or in our lives.  No one was just born an asshole, right? There can’t be some “asshole gene” out there that can be identified in our DNA chain.

That being said, I know a few people who are self-proclaimed assholes. One, in particular, who was adamant that although they were an asshole by attitude, they weren’t really an asshole.  Confused yet? I think I figured it out.  This person cared.  They cared so much about the others around them, that it showed up completely overwhelmed in passion.  In an almost asshole-y kinda way.

I dunno, maybe it’s the sickeningly positive optimist in me.  But I don’t believe there are assholes out there.  I choose to believe that there are really passionate people, either with really big beliefs or really bad days.

Then again, maybe I was just born with the “Overtly Optimistic” gene.

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What I Want

  • Posted on March 7, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Is it March already? Seriously – time has been flying.  It may have had something to do with the dreamy 3 weeks I just spent in Europe, but I really do feel like life has been moving in fast forward the last little while.  And I’ve barely been making time to enjoy it.

I love going away for extended periods of time because I can take a step back from my life and look at it from a distance.  Unfortunately, I always see the same things – crazy girl living a fast-paced, jam-packed, “never say no,” must-fit-it-all-in life.  And suddenly I find myself dropped into the middle of somewhere like Venice or Paris or Cancun, and I’m shell-shocked. I can’t recall the days leading up to the trip because they were so frantic, as I tried to tie up all the loose ends.

But the joyous part is that it’s all just a little bit hilarious.

When I take a step back, I can’t help but laugh at the disgusting amounts of effort I put into making everything absolutely 100% perfect in my day-to-day life. It is seriously amusing (and somewhat alarming) at the time and energy I put into things I honestly do NOT care about.  But I don’t see that until I look at things from a distance.

I realized something while I was away.  There are a select few things in my life that I really want.  And I never give them enough focus because I spend my time doing all the things I think I “should be doing.” Trust me, I know how familiar this sounds – I cannot count the times that this has been an epiphany on this blog. But clearly something is not sticking.

So, staying true to form, I’m going to make a list.  A reminder, that these are the things that matter to me most; these are the things that I want in my life and that I should not be willing to sacrifice so easily:

1.)   Writing – this blog is one of the best things in my life, and I have posted so infrequently in the last few months.  I miss it.  And I miss writing.

2.)   Personal Connections – my family and friends are incredibly important to me, and so are the connections that I’ve been building creatively and through my blog.  I want to continue developing my creative connections, and I’ve got big ideas brewing for this.

3.)   Music – I did not realize how much I missed having music in my life regularly until I recently was invited to join Aliqua.  I now have big ambitions in the music realm, including performing and writing.  Time to focus on those.

4.)   Creativity/Colour/Fresh Air – I don’t really know how to explain this one because it’s more of a feeling.  But I want more of it in my life.

5.)   Movement/Health – Before I went away, I had gotten to the point where I felt like I *had* to work out, or go to yoga, or go for a run.  I don’t want to feel like it’s a chore.  I want to feel like I have the time to truly enjoy being active.

6.)   Love – dedicating time to my personal relationships is really crucial right now. I’m in a good place and I want to keep it that way :)

7.)   Solitude – I need to feel free to spend time alone.  It’s an essential part of my sanity and peace of mind.

8.)   Good Food – I admit, this one seems a little trivial compared to the other “big” ones above, but I seriously get such satisfaction out of eating good food.  So, it’s going on the list, dammit!

My goal – make it so that each day only contains things that I look forward to.

I’m very, very close.

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